For the past several years I had been hot on the lookout for my elusive life purpose. I had already spent many years of my life doing what I believed I was meant to do, until it was time for me to move on from that, to something new. I never anticipated doing anything new. I didn’t know how to do that.
In an attempt to find the spot I am meant to stand in, I read books, meditated, filled notebooks with written exercises, tried new things and even went back to school. Every time I thought I was getting close to identifying what my new life purpose could be, my new endeavor would turn a bit sour and the trail would run cold. I felt like I was running in place.
I worked on listening for and deciphering the steps my Guidance was urging me to take. It took some time to get my thinking mind to stop trying to identify each step I took, and in haste, label it as some kind of new career, or life purpose. I worked on letting go, and going with the flow, even if I had no idea where it would lead.
I decided to “surrender” to the Universe and to my Higher Self. I didn’t want my thinking mind to decide what my life purpose should be by conjuring one up with nothing more than its logical deduction. After all, a thinking mind never knows for sure. I believed that no matter what my purpose is, once I find it, I will know it by the vast joy I feel, no matter what it turns out to be. My Higher Self is the one that holds the GPS to my best life. It’s holding the compass to what makes my heart sing. And what makes my heart sing are the sign posts that lead to the life of my dreams. I wanted one of those.
I attended a weekend workshop with the intent of eliminating the obstacles, if any, that would account for my seeming stagnation and lack of direction. I wanted to clear my own runway for takeoff. In retrospect, I can see how my experiences during this workshop weekend were all crumbs that led my way home.
A funny thing happened to me on my way to a new life purpose. During one of the workshop exercises we were all lying on the floor on our backs, chanting to music. I had never chanted before, and just went along for the ride, stepping outside of my comfort zone as another means of growth. I could feel the vibration of sound in my chest. I could feel that vibration being blended by means of the blending of our many voices. It was at this moment I experienced something very profound.
Despite having been fervently searching for my life purpose, in this moment I had never before felt more like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The experience went beyond the words I use to describe the knowing that I was doing exactly what I was meant to do, in this moment, lying in a circle on the floor. For it was in that space that I lost myself and experienced being an anonymous part of the whole. This was it, this was home. Being an anonymous part of the whole was the most natural feeling space I had ever been in. I had clicked into place. It was wonderful. No, it was much bigger than wonderful. I felt like a fountain that was overflowing in the most beautiful way. As I experienced what felt like water overflowing, or something pouring out of me, it produced the feeling of elation. Elation was filling me up and spilling over. How could I ever want to be anywhere else?
Happily, the afterglow of this experience stayed with me for a full week. I still had no idea where I was supposed to be, or what I was supposed to be doing. Only this time, it didn’t matter. I was too preoccupied with basking in the lingering elation I had been so vehemently chasing, the elation I believed could only be found in a life purpose. The fear of not finding what I was ultimately looking for was gone. I had been wearing the ruby slippers all along.
I had been going about things backwards. It’s never about the “what.” It’s always about the “how.” No matter what I do in this life, as long as I’m taping into my Source, I will flow the happiness that I am made of into that endeavor.
Imagine that. We spend our lives wondering how we could “achieve” our happiest life, our little “heaven on earth.” Most every one of us, having been pointed in that direction, search outward. My experience told me I had been looking in the wrong places. There is no happiness outside of me.
The degree to which I experience happiness is the degree to which I have touched the happiness that I am. The happiness I experience in this place I call life, is flowed from within, outward. If I am cut off from that place, or can only access a small portion of it, that is the extent to which the happiness will be reflected and experienced in my life. The journey only looks like it’s on the outside of me. The journey is within. This is my life purpose. You’ll now find me traveling an enjoyable ride, where ever it leads, mapped out by my inner GPS, my Guidance. I will be the one wearing the ruby slippers.