Healing Heartbreak
The Playing Field
If you are in the throes of heartbreak of any kind, whether you're carrying it around silently inside of you, or you are on the couch in your pjs in the fetal position, know that you can heal and fly free.
We can't let go of what we don't heal.
Use Your Tools
If you can take a brave and unbiased look at your present-moment situation of heartbreak, you will be able to determine if you are ready to silence the talking in the head for thirty seconds
Spend 30 seconds feeling your feelings with a silent mind. Your mind will cringe at the thought of doing this. That's ok. That's a normal thinking-mind reaction.
Go ahead and set that timer if you'd like - and just put your silent attention on how you feel in the moment.
What do you "see"? What do you feel? Notice it, watch it like an eyewitness. Notice if your jaw is clenched, or if your chest hurts? Silently scan your body with no talking in the head, and just notice. Just notice and feel.
Know that the minute the mind starts telling the story again, it is actually making it worse for you, dragging you further down into greater depths of unconsciousness.
The deeper into unconsciousness you go, or the more you tell and believe a painful story, the more it hurts.
This is the source of your heartbreak.
Flow Emotion
For every 30 seconds, 10 seconds, or even a moment that you spend giving your mentally silent, loving attention to just feeling the heartbreak, you are healing it.
Every moment of your mentally silent attention allows the feel-bad to be acknowledged so that it can leave you. That's all that feel-bad wants. It just wants to be acknowledged.
Have you ever seen an upset child run into the arms of an adult and with no words at all, they remain silently embraced until that child just wipes their tears and runs away brand new? That's what you are doing for yourself. You are silently embracing the feel-bad and allowing pieces of it to fall away. Before you know it, you will notice how much better you feel. This is the process of flowing emotion.
Finding The Exit Door
Now that we know how to flow emotion, we can move on to another empowering tool.
It takes courage for the thinking mind to allow your heart to open again, to anything, after heartbreak. That's ok, fear is just what the mind does. It thinks it's protecting us. But now that we have the bigger picture of heartbreak, we can see the exit door.
Only people who are capable of loving strongly can also suffer great sorrow; but this same necessity of loving serves to counteract their grief, and heals them.
-Leo Tolstoy
The price of passing through the exit door of heartache is to slowly but surely, silently feel what wants to be felt. That's the very last thing the mind wants to do. And that's why baby steps are such a powerful tool.
Next level healing happens when you open your heart again to love. Loving anything. Allowing yourself to love your favorite blanket, a new puppy, job, project, person or adventure. Anything.
Reopening The Heart Heals It
You will probably inch your way there, and that's okay. Baby steps get you free, for sure. Standing still in a story of pain and suffering, will not. It's okay to rise from heartbreak. It's part of the human experience.
You now have a bird's eye-view of heartbreak, including where the exit door is and how to get there. You have also discovered your innate abilities, so that you may heal, and rise like a phoenix.
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